Rachel

NORTON

Held through hardship

“I grew up in a loving, stable family.

My parents were Christians, so reading the Bible, praying, and participating in church were all normal to me from a young age. 

I was always a perfectionist, and keenly aware of my mistakes and failings. I understood that God is perfect, and that I couldn’t live up to his standards, and needed a Rescuer.

I grew to love Jesus for myself, knowing that despite my wrongs, He loved me and died for me and wanted me to be part of his family.  At age 10, I was baptised, as a public declaration of my faith in Jesus to save me, and desire to follow him.  

Being a Christian all these years hasn’t made life easy or straight forward. As a teenager, having different values to my peers was a challenge when I wanted to fit in. 

I continued to pressure myself to excel, and in my early 20s that resulted in a time of burnout and depression.  Continuing to read my Bible, pray and remain in Christian community were all so important. Sometimes parts of the Bible that I was familiar with from childhood would jump out at me with fresh impact as I saw more and more how God is so full of mercy, kindness and grace and realised that I didn’t have to strive to prove myself, since I already had his acceptance and love. 

As I look back I see how God has planned my life and provided for my needs so faithfully. 

I chose to move to Sheffield for university and wasn’t thinking beyond that, but because of that decision, I met my husband, started a family, and stayed living close to one of the best children’s hospitals in the country.  Little did I know how crucial that would be until our 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with an aggressive cancerous brain tumour. 

As we endured the heartache of her treatment and the fears that the cancer would take her, I remember friends questioning how I could keep believing in a loving God. 

For me, I wonder how anyone can endure life’s tragedies and uncertainties without believing in a loving God! I couldn’t have relied on myself to find courage and strength from within – I had no internal resources to face what I was so utterly unprepared for.  But the Bible showed me the reality of a God who isn’t distant and uncaring, but stepped down into humanity’s heartbreak and brokenness, who experienced it for himself so that he can sympathise, and who has the power and endless resources to equip us with his courage, strength and faith. 

No matter how hard life’s circumstances, Jesus being willing to die in my place on the cross is proof of his goodness and love. When I have doubts, confusion and questions, I can take these to Jesus in prayer and always find he is full of compassion and help.  Like the man who meets Jesus in Mark 9, my cry to Jesus is often ‘Lord I do believe, help my unbelief!’  

So much of what happens in life is not within my own control.  But I have found great comfort in believing what the Bible says in Psalm 31:

‘my times are in Your hands’. 

I’m not in the grip of deterministic forces or blind chance or fate, or relying on my own strength and capability to forge my path.  I’m cared for by a loving Father whose best comfort is him being with me.